Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-BeWhile browsing the shelves at my public library, I came across this very interesting book. I had been poking around the relationship section looking for something fun and/or helpful to read. I had already picked up one of those “how well do you know your significant other” books, but this one intrigued me more. Mostly because the title was interesting. lol
Some backstory: I’m really bad about asking deep, probing questions, especially about personal matters. It’s just not something I like to bring up in casual conversations because asking something like “what are your values?” or “do you believe in God?” can get awkward fast. So unless those sorts of topics come up in casual conversation, I avoid them.
Which is why I needed this book.
There is so much I still don’t know about The Carpenter, even after almost 8 months of dating. Certain questions and topics for discussion had been swirling around my mind for awhile, but, like I said before, I feel awkward bringing them up over the dinner table. When I found this book and started flipping through it, I realized it was exactly what I needed.
I texted The Carpenter immediately to see if he’d be up for doing something like this. He thought it was a great idea.
Last week, we went out for ice cream and I brought the book with me. While the book suggests that you go through it chapter by chapter, we found that to be a little dull, so we took turns flipping to random pages and asking each other whatever question we like on that page. It was great fun and was probably one of the deepest, most interesting discussions we’ve ever had. At one point, the book lay forgotten between us as we talked. I think we were at Yogurt Mountain for almost 3 hours.
We’ve done the same thing two other times, and I honestly say I know The Carpenter so much better. Nothing he said came as a shock to me (which was great because I was a little worried) and the fact that we could talk openly about some really personal stuff makes me think we are actually good for each other.
But back to the book…I highly recommend this book. It’s very inclusive and claims (I agree) that no matter where you are in your relationship, or even if you’re single, you can get something out of this. As someone who was single for a very long time, I think this would be a good way to clarify what it is you want in a person. And it’s a great way to learn some things about yourself that you may have never considered. While I would never advocate making a list of qualities and only choosing partners who fit those standards, I think it’s good to know what you want and what your deal breakers are. It could save you some heartache in the future. For couples, no matter if you’re just starting to date or have been married for 15 years, I think you’ll find something. If anything, this is an excellent jumping off point for discussion and something interesting to do if you’re bored.
Do you think this is something you would enjoy? If you’re single, do you think you’d get anything out of this book? Do you like stuff like this or do you prefer to let conversations happen naturally?