Summer Self Love #3

by Elizabeth on June 21, 2013 · 14 comments

in love, Self Love, struggles

Today I was supposed to write the second part of my “dating a guy with kids” post, but I just can’t.  I’m not mad at The Carpenter per se, I’m just…tired.

Tired of always being the one to compromise.

Tired of being the one that sacrifices.

Tired of doing what he wants instead of what I want.

Tired of making excuses for him.

Tired of him being broke and not listening to me about better money management.

Tired of listening to him complain.

Tired of going to watch him play pool, knowing he refuses to come to anything of mine because “it makes him feel uncomfortable”.

I’m just so tired of the drama, of not knowing where I stand, of always putting on a good face.

Am I done?  I don’t know.  I don’t want to be.  I want this to work; I want things to be different, for us to be together and to be happy.  But if this is what my life is going to look like, then I don’t want it.

This is supposed to be a post about things I’m loving about myself today, but I don’t have those words.  So today I’m asking for your love, your prayers, your help.

This post is linked to Summer Self Love Link Up

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Amber June 21, 2013 at 9:18 am

7 years and a fetus later, I still feel all of those feelings, some days/weeks more than others. Is it normal? I’m not sure. Am I happy? Most of the time. I heard once that a relationship should be an 80:20 ratio, with 80% being happy (or mostly happy) and 20% being B.S., but I’ve realized that it is 80:20 in the grand scheme of things, because some days it’s 10% “I’m only here because I love you” & 90% “I want-to-throw-something-at-your-face”. It’s a battle, and I think it is a battle that women like you and I (I’ll explain what I mean later) are drawn to. I’ll stop now and try to save some of my wisdom for this weekend. 😉


2 Elizabeth June 21, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Looking forward to it. 🙂


3 Amber June 21, 2013 at 9:20 am

One last thing:

In regards to this being the Summer Self-Love Link Up–This post shows that you love yourself enough to question how you’re being treated and what makes you happy (or not). That is the ultimate self love.


4 Katie June 24, 2013 at 9:29 am

This is an excellent point.


5 Amy June 21, 2013 at 9:36 am

Ok. This is a loaded post but here’s what I advise.
7 years ago, when I met my husband, I felt the way you did. Tired of all of the above sans kids in the situation. I married him anyway even feeling like that, thinking we could work on it as we went. Guess what? It got worse. For years.

We are just now pulling out of that, and trust me it hasn’t been easy. Years of feeling taken for granted sucks and is a hard road to recover from.

You need to speak kindly but firmly about your feelings and if he dismisses them, dismiss him from your life. You are too valuable a person to feel this way and believe me when I say you really shouldn’t progress further in the relationship without addressing these concerns. Make sure you have resolution suggestions in mind when you talk about these – it’ll better prepare you for a conversation that is potentially volatile.

Best of luck. I’m here if you need me.


6 Elizabeth June 21, 2013 at 2:46 pm

Thank you. It’s comforting to know that I have friends in similar situations. I’m emailing you for advice on resolutions. I feel like I’ve tried but not getting through. I need another approach, I think.


7 Amy June 21, 2013 at 12:30 pm

I’ve written this a few times and cannot get the words right.
*Hug* Hang in there. Questioning actions/words is never a bad thing, as it can help the other person grow. Just don’t expect it to be quick!


8 Elizabeth June 21, 2013 at 2:46 pm

The hug is exactly right. Thanks. 🙂


9 Crystal June 21, 2013 at 1:06 pm

Yep, let him know how you feel, why you feel it, and that you are gone if it doesn’t change. Guys suck at subtlety. He’ll either make a conscious effort to take your feelings into account, or he won’t and you know it’s time to go. Good luck. Relationships can just really suck sometimes.


10 Elizabeth June 21, 2013 at 2:47 pm

I suck at talking about these sorts of things. Guess I have to grit my teeth and just do it.


11 Molly June 21, 2013 at 4:30 pm



12 Megg June 21, 2013 at 6:19 pm

Whatever you do, don’t settle. I’ve watched people settle because they’re concerned they’ll be alone forever and it just makes me sad. You won’t be alone forever. Maybe you’ll be with the carpenter and it’ll work out, maybe not. Certainly speak your feelings, but realize that you can’t expect to force someone to change.
I hope that makes sense. Guys aren’t good with hints, like Crystal said, you gotta be straight with guys, and he’ll change if he wants. If he doesn’t, he won’t, but don’t expect that you can change him.


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