Adventures in Dating 2.0

by Elizabeth on October 10, 2012 · 20 comments

in Adventures, love

It’s been a VERY long time since I’ve written about my love life, mainly because there was really nothing to say and I’m sure none of you want read the miserable whinings of a twenty-something single.  Well, now there is something to say.  So let me tell you the story.

About 5 months ago I took myself on a date to the movies to see What To Expect When You’re Expecting.  I couldn’t get anyone to go with me, and since I’m not totally opposed to sitting alone in a movie theater with a giant bag of popcorn, I paid $8.25* to see it in the theater rather than wait for it to come to the RedBox.

After sympathizing a little too much with Elizabeth Banks and crying a little harder than I really should have when J. Lo. go her baby, I had a minor epiphany.  Or a breakdown.  Your choice; we’re really talking about the same thing here.  As strong as I am and as capable as I am to live alone and raise a child as a single parent, I don’t WANT to.  I want someone to come home to, to share all life’s little ups and downs with, someone to raise a family with, to grow old with.  Something finally clicked on in my brain and so I did the only thing I hadn’t done already.

I signed up for online dating.

I had resisted for a while.  My excuses included not wanting to pay for it, the small chance of finding someone halfway normal in a city like this, the sheer desperation it seemed to imply – you get the picture.  But I said to hell with it; there are several reliable free sites, I’m not exactly normal either so I really can’t be too picky, and I actually was pretty desperate.

This is basically all J.Lo’s fault.

I picked a free site (my logic being that twenty-something guys wouldn’t want to pay for something they were skeptical about), did all the registration stuff, answered the hundreds of questions (seriously, hundreds), and was immediately bombarded with messages.  No joke; I got like 50 that first week.  What a nice way to stroke my ego. 🙂 I talked to a few guys, tried out the IM feature and the app, and continued to receive, weed through, and respond to messages.

I don’t remember when it was, but somewhere in the first couple of days I got a message that said simple “would you be willing to date someone with kids?”.  I had already marked that I was okay with that on my profile so I responded back with an affirmative and we began to exchange really lengthy messages.  I remember sitting on the couch waiting for a friend to pick me up so we could go somewhere, responding to his message, and thinking, “I kind of like this guy. He seems cool”.  Within a day I worked up the courage to give him my phone number and we started texting.  I was out of town that weekend so we arranged a date that next Monday at a local Indian restaurant.

We’ve been together ever since.  🙂

In an effort to maintain some kind of anonymity, I’m going to call him The Carpenter since that’s what he does for a living.  Right now he works for a commercial cabinetry company but he also does residential work on the side.  We have big plans (and by we I mean me) to put in some built-ins in my living room.  He’s very handy and he’s willing, so I’m obviously going to take full advantage of that.  lol

Some details: he’s divorced, a little more than a year older than me, has two kids (girl and boy, 6 and 3), and has done two non-consectutive semesters of college.  He has a dog, loves my cooking, gets along with Caty, and thinks I’m pretty. 😉

The ring The Carpenter made me for our one month anniversary.

I’m not going to lie and say this has been so easy and so perfect.  It hasn’t.  It’s been hard as hell.  He works ridiculously long hours and has his kids every weekend.  I haven’t met the kids yet (he has a 6 month rule that I fully support) so our time together is pretty limited.  But so far, it’s been completely worth it.  The Carpenter makes me happier than I’ve ever been with a guy so we’re making it work.

Which means this story is to be continued…

*Just a side note: when did it get so expensive to go to the movies?  $8.25 is the matinee price.  Good gravy movie going is an expensive hobby. 

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Rosanna October 10, 2012 at 9:02 am

I am so happy for you and so glad you are taking the time and sacrifice needed to date someone with kids. I’m not a single parent, and I never want to be- I need my partner as much as my kids need him- but I can imagine you are making his life much happier and more fulfilled, as he is yours. <3


2 Carol October 10, 2012 at 11:50 am

Wonderful news! Congratulations! I hope it works out for you. Very smart about leaving the kids out of it until both of you get to know each other better. The real question—-can he handle you reading in bed??? Or maybe not everyone reads in bed. 🙂 I can’t imagine not.


3 Elizabeth October 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

He doesn’t have a problem with it at all! In fact, he keeps a book at my house to read when he spends the night. 🙂


4 Cate October 11, 2012 at 8:09 am

Keep him!!


5 Molly October 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

I’m allowed to be happy for you and glad you’re back to blogging, right? 🙂

Also, I too seriously want to see that movie, but I AM opposed to paying $8.25 (I mean, that’s two weeks of Netflix and Secret Life of the American Teenager!), so I’m waiting.


6 Elizabeth October 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Right. I already feel more back in the blogging groove.

It was a cute movie, but I’m not sure it was worth $8.25. I mean, it was to me because it led me to The Carpenter, but for the average person? Probably not.


7 Frugal(er) October 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Oh yay!!! Glad you’re doing well in love, life and (I assume) librarianship 🙂


8 Megg October 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I’m glad you don’t want to be a single mom. I’m not sure how seriously you entertained the idea, but I want to say that I’m sure it would be incredibly hard. Having a partner to share everything with is wonderful, first of all. Second, I had a single mom coworker whose son had no father in his life and it’s hard for them. Really hard.

Also I know I’m in the minority but I love going to the movies. I know it costs an arm and a leg, and that the popcorn and soda is horrible over priced, but I just love the movies. 🙂

I’m glad it worked out too! There’s nothing wrong with online dating at all!


9 Elizabeth October 10, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I love going to the movies! It’s my non-frugal activity. I gladly give up coffee drinks and buying new books so I can enjoy movies and that over priced popcorn. 🙂


10 Katie October 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

What a wonderful story! My husband and I met online in 2005 🙂


11 Amelia October 10, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Wonderful news! I wish you all the luck!

I had a similar epiphany in 2008 when my younger brother got engaged. I haven’t been as lucky with meeting someone online, (a lot of first dates) but I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I really want through the process.

That being said, I really want at least one kid, so I gave myself a time frame. If I haven’t met someone serious by the same age my mom had me, I’m going the single parent route. I have a great support system with my mom and it was her idea that I let myself have that option. BTW that deadline is still 10 years off.


12 Elizabeth October 10, 2012 at 4:00 pm

My deadline is 30 so I’ve got a few years, but it is looming ahead in the not-so-distant future so I figured I’d better be proactive.

I had heard a lot of horror stories about online dating and I’ve gotten my share of weird/creepy messages, but now I do think it’s possible to meet someone. Maybe not Mr. Right, but most definitely Mr. Right Now. Keep dating and let me know how it’s going!


13 Christine October 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I’m so excited you’re blogging about “The Carpenter” and that is like the cutest nickname for him ever!!! 🙂


14 Amber October 11, 2012 at 8:08 am

I’m so happy for you, Big!! I would love for me & Rob and you & The Carpenter to double date sometime when I’m home… or if you’re ever in the Athens area 😉


15 Cate October 11, 2012 at 8:10 am

Indian restaurants for the win! Jason and I have been together since our first date at an Indian restaurant. 😉 I’m glad you took the plunge and signed up for online dating.


16 Amy October 11, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Dawwww this makes me ridiculously happy. Happy to see you happy and happy to have your ‘voice’ back on the internet! Indian restaurants are the BEST. 🙂


17 LibGirl09 October 12, 2012 at 11:22 am

I’m very happy for you! 🙂 Looking forward to more updates.


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