Confession: sometimes I hate blogging. No, it’s not the usual reason: the time and effort it takes. It’s how careful I have to be. All.The.Freaking.Time.
There’s the usual level of carefulness – not revealing too much personal information like my address or phone number, but there’s an extra level of caution that I take. The don’t-piss-anyone-off level.
I have been extremely lucky that I have never, not in over a year of blogging, had someone made a truly rude or unwelcome comment. I know that not everyone has been that lucky and there was, for a while, a nice effort to keep things friendly in the blogosphere, and I really appreciated that. But despite that, I remained very cautious about what I posted.
I never blog about religion, in fear of angering the Christians and non-Christians alike. I never post about politics, because I don’t want to lose my Republican readers (and cause lots of real-life family controversy!). While I talk about money, I keep it simple and general. It’s rare that I discuss library controversies because no one likes an angry librarian.
I do not have thick skin. I can’t let a negative comment or mean-spirited remark roll off my back. Perhaps, it’s because I was bullied, perhaps I’m just a sensitive person. Whatever the reason, I don’t take well to criticism and failure, so I don’t take risks. In real life and in blogging.
But that has to stop.
I am a grown woman with opinions. I am allowed to have those opinions. I can say whatever I want and I should not be made to feel guilty or sorry for having those opinions.
Yet, right now I feel guilty and sorry. And extremely upset over something that I said in passing (in a reply to a comment no less!) that got out. I meant no harm in; I was merely stating an opinion that I’m entitled to.
Maybe I’m being oversensitive for getting so upset, when everyone is entitled to there own opinion and thoughts. But this is what I really hate about blogging. I hate this feeling in my stomach. I hate feeling misunderstood. I hate knowing that people think poorly of me.
But I can’t think that any longer. Just as I have opinions, so does everyone else, and the freedom to express them. I have to learn to let it go and move on with my life. It’s not worth getting myself upset or worked up over.
But sometimes I really hate blogging.